


One

by Sweettoof



Series: One [1]
Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story RPF
Genre: F/F, Raulson is Endgame, Wedding, raulson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-06 10:18:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4217808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweettoof/pseuds/Sweettoof
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When reality hits you hard and you fall, sometimes getting back up is a journey: difficult and filled with obstacles. The day Sarah Paulson received an invitation to her best friend Lily Rabe’s wedding was the day she knew she was too late. All she ever wanted was for Lily’s happiness. She just always imagined it was with her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, I'm not new to writing fanfiction but I am new to publishing my work. This story was originally supposed to be a one-shot but I got too carried away and had to break it up into chapters since it already reached over 10k words. I've decided that this will be Part 1 of a series because I just couldn't have Sarah and Lily not ending up together. I hope you guys enjoy Sarah being hopelessly head over heels for Lily, Lily being totally unaware, and Pedro hardcore shipping them, despite the circumstances :) Please feel free to visit my tumblr: sweettoof-17. Thanks and much love xoxo

_Save the date! We request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of Lily Rabe…_

She read it over and over until she swore she felt sand in her throat. _Save the date_. _Wedding_. All the times Lily talked about it, Sarah never imagined it would ever become a reality.

And now it has.

The paper invitation lost its durability where she was holding it due to the sweat from her own fingers. An hour had passed since Sarah’s trip to the mailbox to retrieve the mail, where she found mostly bills and a couple of offers from companies the actress would never involve herself with. But as she flipped through them, one of the envelopes felt heavy and looked way too fancy to originate from a corporation. At least, this one did. She flipped it over to confirm that it was her address that it was sent to and not some mistake.

It was beige, the color of cream and expensive hotels. Missives like this always contained something special. Sarah’s blood was pounding against the confines of her veins by the time her eyes read over her own name written in golden cursive scripture. She lifted the sealed flap and pulled out the card inside, reading it with curious excitement.

In those 5 seconds that it took for her brain to register the words she beheld, the corners of her lips had drooped, her cheeks fell when her smile melted into a frown and her simple brown eyes glistened with tears she never called forth. It was moments like these when she wished she didn’t have tear-ducts. Crying made her feel small, and this one letter, smaller. An invitation to be exact. An invitation to Lily Rabe’s wedding to be more precise.

Sarah didn’t know why. She should be jumping for joy with a happiness even the sun couldn’t match. Her best friend for over a decade was getting married, tying the knot, jumping on the wagon—whatever they called it—for goodness sakes’! Sarah should’ve been happy. For her. Yet she wasn’t.

All she felt was pain and regret and selfishness. Those printed words may well have been daggers to her cracking soul since it was analogous to how she was feeling. 2 A.M. in her living room, sitting on the couch with a glass of cheap wine in her hands serving as a substitute to the fill the crevice in her heart. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much when time passed and she was the godmother to Lily’s beautiful children. Sarah smiled at the thought.

They would have Lily’s eyes and golden blonde hair, with cheeks the color of budding roses during springtime, skin pale and sweet-smelling. Or perhaps they would inherit their father’s features. Either way, Sarah knew whatever sons and daughters they produced would be gorgeous. They would be Lily’s to hold in the nighttime and to soothe when they had fevers. Daddy would cook them breakfast while Lily ventured off to Starbucks at the break of dawn because she can’t stand the store brand coffee. The babies’ first solid food would probably be corn.

Thinking about it only brought her lower than she already felt. Mixed emotions coursed through her as she read and reread that invitation.

_We request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of_

_Lily & James_

It was mocking. The rest didn’t matter. Those were the only words Sarah saw. Those were the only words that hurt.

She didn’t understand why she felt so negatively towards her friend’s happiness.

Maybe it was because she couldn’t stomach the thought of the blonde spending the rest of her life with someone else. Maybe it was because Sarah believed that someone else would be _her_.

*  *  *

“Did you get it?” Lily’s chipper voice rang through the other end.

Sarah subconsciously brought both hands to cradle her iPhone when her ears were graced with that familiar raspy sound.

“Y-yeah, I did,”

“What do you think? I know, it’s not the best invitation ever but, c’mon, it was my first attempt,” she laughed.

“It was pretty fancy. Not—not that that’s not a good thing. But I think you did a great job,”

“…what’s up with all of this formality? Sarah! I’m getting married! Can you believe it?! I surely still can’t,”

“No, believe me, Lils…I’m happy for you. I’m just—I don’t know--,”

“Oh, God, did I catch you at a bad time? I heard California’s having some funky weather lately. Really messes with sinuses,”

Sarah swallowed. “Uh, yeah actually. I’m sorry I’m not my usual self,”

“No! Don’t apologize, honey. I just called because I wanted to ask you something and it can’t wait until my plane lands,”

“W-what is it?” This was surely unexpected. What could be so urgent?

“Will you be my maid of honor?” On the other side of the country, Lily was biting back a smile. Sarah was her best friend. It only felt right that she give her the honors.

The brunette felt her blood run cold. Someone up there definitely had it out for her.

_No. I can’t. I wouldn’t be able to offer the best of my abilities for a wedding I wish wasn’t happening. It’s selfish but I can’t. You deserve better, Rabe. You deserve better than me._

Her mind was screaming for her to say it but the chambers in her heart yanked back the strings. _She’ll be devastated. Don’t be an asshole for once._

Sarah said the only thing she could.

“Of course,”

Lily’s smile widened.

*  *  *

Two months. The wedding was in two months. James doesn’t want too much of a hassle. James is allergic to certain flowers. James loves country music. James this, James that. It was making Sarah sick. From all of James’s complaints, you’d think he was the bride. Sure, he wanted his wedding experience to be perfect, who wouldn’t? But Lily was getting married too. Sarah just hoped people would realize how seriously she was taking this for Lily’s sake.

At least the man wasn’t a complete stranger. Sarah had met him on several occasions over the past year. He was in show business too. Lily had done a couple plays with him, both starring as the main characters. It goes to show how much of a relationship could be developed from that.

Most of all, he was attractive. James wasn’t Sarah’s type but she could understand why some of Lily’s other co-star friends swooned over him and talked about him like he was some god when his back was turned. James didn’t have an overly muscular body but he had muscle in all the right places and he seemed to be a guy concerned about his health. His skin was sun-kissed and his smile was crooked. He also had a bit of scruff dusting his face. Other than his curly dark locks that probably harbored a forgotten comb in there somewhere, his black eyes were piercing enough to create a sense of charm, regardless of the flaws Sarah saw.  

The only thing she sought comfort in was getting to spend time with the blonde. Lily’s job took her from Vancouver to New York on a daily basis. Sarah felt like she hadn’t seen Lily in years as opposed to mere months. Time with Lily was precious. But it was also never enough.

Her feelings were at the point of bursting from her chest that she almost cried when the younger woman wrapped her in a tight embrace the moment they saw each other for the first time in months. Sarah rested her hands flat against the blonde’s back, pulling her closer than she already was. Rosemary, almonds, and strawberries in the form of Lily’s scents washed over her senses.

Their embrace was cut short, however, when the blonde pulled back to look at Sarah’s face. Her ability to speak was stolen by that brief eye contact before Lily turned away to address their other friends that were there. James couldn’t make it. Something about a rehearsal.

Music was blasting in clangorous volumes at the club they were at now. Though all Sarah really craved was ten or more shots of tequila. Her head was pounding and her nerves stood on edge whenever Lily innocently brushed past her or words between them were exchanged. No matter how much Sarah wished their relationship was closer, she would never be as close to Lily like Lily was close to James. By this day in the next two months, it would be official. Lily would be married.

Her head snapped up when a hand rested on her shoulder.

“Sarah, hey, you look kinda down,” Lily pointed out. She took the empty seat next to her. Once again, Sarah had to play her emotions off, not wanting to be rude.

“No, just tired, I guess and, uh… thinking about the shower I’m planning for you,” it wasn’t really a lie. The thought was just stored in another part of her brain that Lily didn’t occupy. Which meant the part she didn’t use much.

“Oh, and I forgot to congratulate you on your engagement. I hope you know that I really do feel happy for you. I know I wasn’t too enthusiastic over the phone,” Sarah continued.

“Sarah, that’s been forgotten,” Lily shook her head, smile never faltering, “I have to say, I feel bad for dragging you from L.A. to New York. But I’m glad you’re here. You know, I can’t do this without you. Now tell me what you’re planning for the shower!” 

The blonde’s mood was way too bright for the club’s dim setting.

“I honestly don’t know yet. I’ll probably hire strippers or something,”

Lily smacked her arm playfully.

“Oh my God, you would. But…”

“But what?”

“I promised James I wouldn’t do something like that. So did he. I don’t want to put our trust for each other at stake,”

Sarah almost choked on her drink.

“You’re not cheating on him, it’s just a fucking bridal shower. And may I add the last few days of freedom,” the brunette could feel the effects of the alcohol taking over her. How many tequila drinks had she consumed? Three? Four? Sarah lost count.

Lily grew serious.

“Sarah, I’m not kidding. James is a really great guy. I feel lucky to have ended up with him. It’ll be really unfair to start our marriage with a lie. Please, promise me,” she took Sarah’s hand in hers.

“I know I may have put a lot of responsibility on your shoulders without warning. But know that it’s because I trust you. Nothing has ever been more important to me,” she stood from her seat and held Sarah’s gaze.

“Lily…” Sarah began. Now her head was starting to spin.

The blonde turned her head when she heard someone call her. Sarah watched her nod to someone before turning back to face her.

“I have to go,”

Sarah didn’t have time to react before Lily leaned in to place a chaste kiss on her cheek.

“I know you’ll support me in everything I do…you always have,”

And with that, she disappeared in the sea of people to leave Sarah dumbfounded.

_What the fuck just happened?_

She motioned for the bartender and ordered two more drinks. He set them down in front of her, not bothering to question her motives about drinking both of them alone. As long as he kept a close eye on her, there was a slim chance she would be endangering any pedestrians tonight.

Her skin tingled warmly where Lily’s lips just were, humming, buzzing like bees in the springtime. God, feeling things like those were starting to take a toll on her. Reactions to simple gestures blown out of proportion made Sarah feel like a ridiculous school girl.

Any further thoughts were cut off when a hand landed hard, smack dab on the center of her back causing for her to almost spit out her drink. Sarah turned, ready to punch whoever dared thought they could just hit her like that when she was met with familiar dark brown eyes, a smirk curving his lips.

“Oh, Pedro. ‘S just you,” she shook her head.

“Oi! I don’t get a hug?” he laughed, arms outstretched.

“You fucking think you can pat me with so much force and expect a hug in return? If you keep thinking like that, you’re gonna be single for a long time, my friend,” she went back to finishing the rest of her tequila.

Pedro frowned and sat next to her. “Someone’s awful grouchy. Maid of honor blues? No one orders two of those without something bugging them,”

“Just stressed, Pedro,” she didn’t really feel like conversing after what she and Lily talked about. In reality, all she wanted was to disappear. Crawling into a hole to live in forever was an alternative too.

However, after drink number whatever between numbers five and ten, her desire to keep her mouth shut was trumped by the alcohol. By eleven o’ clock, she was divulging a full verbal diary. Even though they were stories that weren’t enough to jeopardize her security, they were enough for Pedro to decide that it was time for her to go home and sleep on it.

“Yeah, c’mon. Just a few more steps, Sarah,” he told her as he helped her walk up the stairs. He made the decision to have her stay at his house, then later return to the bar to pick up her car for the next morning. Sarah leaned against him for support since her legs were swaying off the path. Pedro also kept avoiding her messy hair because her head wouldn’t stop lolling from side to side as if she were moving it in tune with a beat inside her head.

“You know, I don’t understand why so many people die in _Game of Thrones_ ,” she pouted and looked to him, “You know what I m--,”    

Sarah’s eyes widened and raised an index finger to poke Pedro’s cheek. “How’d your eyes heal so fast?!” she gasped. Sarah tipped her head back which he had to dodge his nose from again. “What kind of name is Oberyn anyway? Like, God, I thought the name ‘North’ for a baby was bad but whoo! George _arrgh_ Martin is the one who needs--,” she seemed to have forgotten what she was saying and looked around with suspicious eyes.

After nearly bringing both of them down when her shoe got caught in the doorway, Pedro managed to get her inside. He released her to lock the door but the minute he turned back, Sarah was headed to where his stash of liquor was displayed. Pedro got to her just in time before the tumbler could shatter to pieces from her faulty grip.

“You’ll stay with me, right?” she slurred. He nodded simply and directed her to the couch. It was the farthest her legs were able to take her.

As soon as her head hit one of the throw pillows, Sarah’s eyes closed shut and a light snore came from slightly parted lips. Pedro looked at his friend sleeping haphazardly on the cushions. Shaking his head, he headed to his room to get her a blanket.

Pedro himself planned on sleeping right after he covered her with it. His mind quickly changed when Sarah started to mumble.

At first, the words were nonsensical and discernable. A few minutes passed by, and they improved to recognizable phrases. She seemed to stir awake, even calling his name but her eyes were drooping closed on every attempt. They did manage to remain open a couple seconds at a time.

“Heyyyy, Pedro,” she mumbled.

“Yes?” he tried to see if a conversation would spark. Not that he wanted to start one.

“You think I’ll be able to find love?”

His brows furrowed at the randomness. Then again she wasn’t thinking straight.

“Of course you will, Sarah. I like to believe there’s a certain someone for everyone out there,” he decided to go along with it.

“Hmm…even after all…this?”

“What do you mean, ‘all this’?” he asked softly. Now his interest was piqued.

“ _This_ ,” she tried to wave a hand in the air, “Ya know. The wedding.”

“Lily’s wedding?”

“Owie… my head hurts…” Sarah grumbled the off-topic comment. Pedro went to tend to it right away, dashing to the kitchen for some water. He returned and Sarah was still fighting sleep. She rebuked his offer of water.

“Hm, hm, hm,” she chuckled to herself, “I’m so stupid.”

Pedro tried to stifle his own laughter. Sarah wouldn’t even remember this in the morning.

“Sarah, why are you stupid?”

“Because!” she said loudly, “I didn’t get to tell her how I feel about ‘er.”

“How you feel about who?”

Sarah raised both of her hands to examine them, face pensive as if she was working something out. She then held down both her pinkies and presented her hands to Pedro.

“Over ten years, Pablo,”

“It’s…um…Pedro,”

“Ten…muthafuckin’ years…I have known her an’ I din’t getta tell ‘er that I love ‘er,” her slur was worsening though Pedro’s attention was caught by something else.

Sarah was drifting asleep again. Naturally, the man would take this opportunity to retire for the night—it was after all, past midnight—and leave his long-time friend to sleep off her drunkenness. This was different. Sarah was in love? And she was only telling him now? 

Pedro hovered over her, studying her face closely. He felt bad for interrogating an intoxicated woman but this wasn’t the first time she confessed something to him drunk.

“No, no, no, no, no, Sarah, hey,” he patted her face to get her to wake. Her eyelids fluttered open slightly.

“Who do you love?”

The woman scoffed. “Isn’t it obvious? Lily Babe!!!” she gripped her chest when a violent cough wracked her body, “I mean, Rabe,” she hiccupped.

The living room was all of a sudden engulfed in a deafening silence. Pedro, brown eyes wide, stared at Sarah in disbelief.

_Lily_? She’s in love with _Lily_? Pedro expected her to say a name he never heard of. Not some dropping of a nuclear bomb where the name who her heart belonged to was also one of his closest friends. _Lily Rabe. Well, who’d have thunk?_

Going back, he recalled memories of when Sarah and Lily would hang out together. Sarah would always make a fool of herself just to make Lily laugh. The brightest of smiles would stretch across her face whenever the blonde laughed so hard her sides hurt. Her day—no—her life would be made if Lily so much as smiled at her silly antics. As long as Lily was happy, so was she.

Wave after wave of realization washed over Pedro as his mind raced with recollections. It all made sense. That’s why Sarah was so irritated today. That’s why she was drinking her troubles away. It wasn’t because of something. It was because of _someone_.

“Lily,” Sarah mumbling the blonde’s name pulled him from his shock.

“Sarah, hey,” Pedro whispered.

“It’s too late, Pedro,” she whined like a child, “I din’t get to tell—tell her how--how I feel about her.”

The man smiled and patted the hand reaching out to him comfortingly.

“It’s not too late, Sarah. It’s never too late,”

*  *  *

Sunlight spilled through the curtains, creating a blinding puddle of light on the fuzzy carpet.

Sarah stirred awake a few minutes after the clock chimed 10 o’clock. She moved to get up when a pounding ache started in her head, pulling her back down on the throw pillows. Her surroundings spun for a little while.

She brought a hand up to settle on her forehead uttering the only thing she could think of at the moment.

“What the fuck happened last night?”

“You had about 8 tequilas, I think,”

“Aaahhhhh!!!” she screamed when she heard the voice appear out of nowhere, increasing the pounding in her head.

“Oww…” she groaned in pain.

“I told you. You should’ve taken the water I offered you last night,” Pedro finally came into view with a glass in his hands. She gladly accepted it this time and sat up to gulp it down properly.

“Last night? You offered me water last night?” she asked when she was done.

“Yeah, I did,”

“I…I don’t remember. God…” she buried her face in her hands. “How many drinks did you say I had?”

Pedro shrugged, “I don’t know. You were already drinking before I went over to join you. I think you had about eight small ones. Damn, Sarah. Promise me to leave your keys at home whenever you go to a bar.”

Memories of last night came to her in snippets. Slowly, she pieced scene by scene together even though some events remained blurry.

_Oh right. Got to New York. Bridal shower. No strippers. Wedding. Lily._

“Thanks for bringing me here, I owe you big time. Who knows what I might’ve done?”

“You know, you get quite talkative when you’re drunk,”

“I do? Well, what did I say?” Sarah gasped suddenly, “I didn’t give out the password to my Instagram account, did I? I’ve been hacked way too much,”

Pedro shook his head, “No…just simple things like how you’re an actress, how George R. R. Martin is a bad namer, and oh, yes, you also confessed your undying love for Lily Rabe,”

Sarah froze, eyes widening.

“What did you say?” she breathed and faced him.

Pedro crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow. “You didn’t reveal it to the public…you were already here,” he assured.

That didn’t make Sarah feel any better. Her hands began to shake as a sort of panic took over her. She pushed the blanket aside and swung her legs off the couch. Pedro grabbed her hand before she could walk any further.

“Sarah, wait,” he said.

“Pedro, please let go of me,” he listened but stepped in front of the door.

“Sarah, I think it'll be very beneficial if we talked about this,”

“No, it won't. I was never supposed to say it out loud. No one was supposed to know,” she cried.

She pushed him out of the way without another word leaving Pedro to watch her retreating form. 


	2. Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took over five centuries; I'm finally back with a new chapter. Hopefully I'll be able to post the next within the next couple weeks or so. I've already started re-writing it so fingers crossed. Anyways, enjoy & much, much love for your patience. Comments & reviews are always welcome xoxo

Weeks passed after that, though the days didn’t progressively improve Sarah’s mood. Each day that went by was a day closer to the date of Lily’s wedding. She hadn’t seen Pedro either. The brunette had been avoiding him ever since that morning. Even now, she was having trouble wrapping her head around the fact that Pedro now knew. He knew her deepest secret and it was her own fault. One thing was for sure, with the bridal shower scheduled to commence in an hour, there would be no avoiding him once he arrived.

And that terrified her immensely.

She nearly jumped out of her own skin when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, relax… ‘s just me, Paulson,” Lily giggled. Sarah chuckled along nervously, trying to make it sound as genuine as she could.

“Oh Lil, Evan and Zach brought these. Can you believe it? Didn’t think they had it in ‘em to get the brands I’ve been pestering them to buy for weeks,” she held up 2 large bottles of Jack Daniel’s with one hand and a tall glass bottle of Absolut vodka in the other. “No promise of being sober tonight,” she added.

Lily shook her head and smirked. “I had every intention of getting drunk with you guys anyway.”

The doorbell rang before Sarah could open her mouth to respond.

“That should be the others. You sure you got everything here?”

“Yes, Rabe. I’m not completely helpless. Go on,” Sarah gently pushed her in the opposite direction to get her going. Lily playfully scrunched her nose at her and the brunette turned away, bottom lip between her teeth to keep her stupidly wide smile at bay.

The pressure in her cheeks dropped, however, when she heard Pedro’s voice announcing his arrival as he came through the entrance. Zach popped out from where he was helping set up in the kitchen just in time to provide Sarah a much needed distraction.

“Hey, was that Pedro?” he asked her. Without looking up from the large ice bucket of alcoholic beverages she had given herself the task to take care of amongst a million other things, she merely gestured to the door to show an influx of their friends pour in. Zach rubbed his hands together.

“Looks like the party just started,”

It didn’t take long for the flat to be filled with all their closest friends, from mutual acquaintances to direct co-stars invited straight from the stage.

Sarah almost rejoiced when Jessica Lange appeared, all grace and finesse like she promised she would. When the clock struck noon, she had started to fear the older woman wouldn’t show. But here she was, practically gliding across the living room, a bottle of Cognac in her hand.

“Sarah!” she said when she found her and the two greeted with a hug and a kiss on each other’s cheek.

“Jessica! I thought you would never come,”

“Well, I did, and I brought a little party gift for the bride-to-be. Where is the lucky gal anyway?”

“Uhm…” Sarah pursed her lips, unsure of the answer herself when Lily appeared from around a corner with a man in tow.

“Sarah, there you are! Pedro’s been looking everywhere for you,”

Pedro shifted awkwardly from behind her, rubbing his neck and looking anywhere but Sarah’s general direction. Her grin faded to a neutral curve, a sense of dread over taking her. She barely noticed the strange stares Jess and Lily were giving them since there seemed to be an unnatural awkwardness between Pedro and Sarah from the way their gazes avoided one another. Thankfully, Jess was considerate enough to break the ice and draw the attention of the small group back to her.

“Uh, an offering for the bride-to-be,” she presented the Cognac to Lily.

“Aw, Jessica, you shouldn’t have. We have a sensible amount of alcohol already,” she laughed and gestured somewhere behind her.

“I know but I couldn’t come here empty-handed. How’s James?”

“I assume he’s having his own fun. I believe his friends are throwing him his bachelor’s party today,”

“Hey, Lily!” Mamie called her from across the room. “Will you please tell these people how you and James met? You know how fucking thirsty the kids are for stories,”

Sarah could hear a sharp gasp emanate from Taissa. “‘Kids’?” she looked at Mamie with utter revolt. Jamie joined her side while Gabby leveled the blonde woman a playful death glare. Kathy watched them size Mamie up, drinking from her wine glass on the couch and snickering at the younger ones’ antics.

Lily exhaled and caught Sarah’s eye for a brief moment. Heart leaping to her throat, Sarah shuffled for something, anything to regain control of her senses. “I’m gonna, uh, add some more ice to the drinks,” she excused.

Lily drew her brows together. “Sarah, I don’t think--,”

Pedro immediately sensed Sarah’s apparent distress and cooked up a quick plan to swoop in before the woman could implode. It was surreal to realize how everyone else at the shower was oblivious to the truth, even though Pedro was once one of them. Hidden beneath the thick layers of humor, sarcasm, and spirit was an unfathomable insecurity over an overdue confession.

“Hey, Sarah, can you show me where the drinks are at?” he rushed out quickly, not allowing for Lily to complete her sentence. Looking a bit stunned at first, Sarah gathered her strength and finally headed over to the adjacent room where the liquor cart was transferred. She leaned on the antique railing in hopes her nausea would pass and her breathing would regulate. The clear coating of a rounded Patron bottle caught her attention and she reached for the damn thing without needing to think her decision through.

“Great party,”

Her head shot up and she backed away immediately, not too eager to meet Pedro’s eyes.

“You didn’t have to--,”

“I did. You looked like you were going to faint,”

A hand shot up to her cheek. Like Pedro had assumed, her skin had run cold against her palm, even a little damp from exerting her nerves.

“I’m fine,” she insisted sharply. But the man wasn’t going to take denial for an answer. He approached her cautiously, prepared to step back anytime if Sarah felt like her personal space was being invaded.

“Sarah, I think we should talk,” he began. Seeing her so close to having some sort of panic attack worried him a great deal. She shouldn’t have to go through this alone.

“No, we don’t,” she rebuffed, “Just forget about the entire thing.”

“We don’t have to talk here. There’s a whole lotta neighborhood that could use some walking on,” he suggested.

Sarah squinted at him reluctantly, still unconvinced.

He released a heavy sigh, “Lily’s about to have a full-blown, explicit, unsolicited conversation about her fiancé James. No doubt she’ll be going into deep detail with every single scenario that ever transpired to fulfill the crazed romantics of the younger crowd in there.”

The brunette flared her nose; Pedro could almost visually witness the gears turning in Sarah’s head as she thought over his proposition. She shot him a skeptic expression but strode ahead of him to return the Patron and undo the locks on the door.

“10 minutes,” she said.

Pedro followed.

They traveled down the block; at first, no words were exchanged between them. There was a tension that had accumulated in the atmosphere, making any move cringe-worthy. Birds twittered excitedly to each other on telephone wires, synchronizing perfectly with buzzing bees alternating from one flower to another. Residents that lived around tended to their plants growing in their own haven, all the while ignorant to the wild emotions at play, stirring within a single being. Neither one wanted to deal with the obvious problems that were present. Pedro, despite his own nerves coursing throughout the labyrinth that was his body, was the first to break the ice.

“Sarah, why are you doing this?”

Sarah, too preoccupied with the hem of her long-sleeved sweater, barely lifted her head to acknowledge the question. Lily borrowed the sweater once and her mind flittered back to the cold winter day when she asked for it. Sarah imagined she could still smell the blonde’s shampoo lingering in the fabric.

“Doing what?” she murmured.

“ _This_ ,” Pedro enunciated the word with a flourish of his hand, “The wedding, the planning…why did you agree?”

Sarah felt like this was steering into a pointless conversation. “Because she asked me, Pedro,” she answered, “I couldn’t just say ‘no’. I didn’t want to hurt her.”

“Like you’re hurting now?” he returned. He winced when a pained expression clouded over her face, as if words themselves were capable of causing physical afflictions. Emotionally on the other hand, those were wounds that were harder to tend to than any other slice or cut oozing blood.

Sarah bit her lip to suppress the urge to cry.

“It isn’t as easy as you make it seem. Lily’s happy and that’s good enough for me,”

She hugged her torso when a breeze came over them, though Pedro believed the real reason was a far cry from protection against the cold. A different kind of cold. She increased the pace of her steps to match her rapid heart rate.

“Is it? Is it good enough?”

“Yes,”

“No,”

“Yes,”

“Don’t lie to yourself, Sarah,”

Sarah shook her head. “If she’s happy with her life, then I’m happy. That’s why I agreed to do this, to help her achieve that,”

Pedro rolled his eyes, unconvinced.

“All it’s doing is bringing you down, Sarah. Look at me,”

In defiance, she turned her head away from him but he didn’t need to see her face to disclose what he already knew.

“Your eyes are rimmed red, your nose is puffy, your skin is paler…Lily thinks you’re just under the weather, doesn’t she? She has no idea--,”

“What do you want me to say, Pedro?!” she shouted. Sarah stopped walking and faced him, tears stinging her eyes.

“You want me to say that I cry every fucking night because of this—this emotional roller coaster version of torture that _I_ agreed to? That I can’t stand the prospect of her being with someone else that isn’t me? But I’m forced to keep silent because I don’t have much of a choice, do I? Or maybe that I regret every minute I didn’t use to tell her how I really feel? That I’ve been in love with her ever since the day we met at the auditions back in ‘05?”

Sarah didn’t hold back the tears; she let go, allowing rivulets trail down her cheeks.

“Or how about that even now, guilt wracks me every waking day because despite the lies I tell myself about being happy, I’m not. About fate anyway. But my feelings regarding Lily don’t matter now. That ship sailed long ago when I insisted on waiting,” she swiped a hand at her cheeks.

Pedro found it hard to make eye contact.

Sarah sniffled. “Look, I—I know it’s stupid for me to get so caught up with these—these emotions but they’re here now and I can’t just make them go awa--,”

“I think you should tell her,” he said.

Her head snapped up, “What?!”

“She deserves the truth,”

“She deserves a peaceful wedding. She cannot know about this. It’ll only leave her conflicted. Could things be different? I’m so sure they will be. Except there’s a man she loves dearly with all of her heart and who am I but a lovesick idiot to take all that away from her? I wasn’t lying when I said her happiness is good enough for me. I’d rather drive back to L.A. right this second than be selfish this far into the planning now,”

“If not for her, than do it for yourself. You honestly believe keeping it bottled up inside you when she’s your best friend is going to be an easy ride?”

“None of this is easy, Pedro,”

“You’re right, and I totally agree. But she’s not going to disappear from your life altogether. After this, there’s going to be parties, dinners, events. You’re not going to stop seeing each other. For Pete’s sake, you _work_ together. You really think you can keep this a secret forever?”

“You underestimate my capabilities,”

“Sarah, you got drunk a few weeks ago and spilled your heart to me the same night. Who’s to say the same scenario won’t happen? But this time with Lily? Don’t burden yourself, _please_ ,” he begged.

Seeing him so concerned threw her off and made her regret for ever shouting at him. Her eyes closed for a second since her vision was continually being blurred by nonstop, involuntary watering.

“When?” her voice quavered.

Pedro sighed, “The sooner, the better,”

She cleared her throat and chewed on her inner cheek. “Her wedding dress fitting’s tomorrow. She wants me to be there…you know, to see which dress looks good on her. Stupid really,” she sniffled and shook her head, “She looks gorgeous in anything.”

Pedro didn’t even try to fight back a smile.

“God,” she sighed, wiping her cheeks with her sleeve, “I'm not gonna lie. I’m fucking scared.” It came out as a shaky whisper, making her entire body tremble.

Pedro couldn’t resist pulling her into a hug. “Then you know it’s real.”

Deep down, Sarah couldn’t bear the thought. She had mere hours to debate over what she would ultimately do in the end. All in all, Lily was caught in the middle and it hurt her to think she was responsible for putting her in that position.

And truth be told, Pedro was only trying to help. But his advice got her considering her options, limited as they were. She could confess, therefore creating a whole new relationship between her and Lily, or she could keep it a secret and be forced to live in silence forever. Either sounded terrifying. Saying she was scared was such an understatement. She was frightened. Frightened to the bone.

So she settled on the craziest, most insane life-altering choice she’d ever made.  

“Tomorrow. When the fitting’s over,” Sarah decided, “I’ll tell her the truth,” she paused.

“I’ll tell her everything.”


End file.
